i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
