So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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