I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
