Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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