Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
