I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I need moral support for this bender
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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