just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All the doctor said was why
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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