He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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