Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
