remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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