If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need to wash the frat house off of me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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