You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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