This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
