I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
