Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
