I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
