Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
vagina is talking i cant
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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