Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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