having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
