Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
