My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
