it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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