she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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