hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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