i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
