she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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