i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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