....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
