I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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