i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
