the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
