burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
