The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
