She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you win again, gameday.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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