i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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