he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Congratulations! We have a period
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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