i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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