I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
