i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
