i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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