So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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