Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
