someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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