My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
