she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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