you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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