The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
