Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
