Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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