you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's the barista slut.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
