she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
