New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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